Oroboros of the Mind

I can’t figure out why I’m not at aikido right now:

  • Pressure headache because of the change in the weather currently in progress?  I can see that.
  • Oncoming cramps?  Yeah, that would be a pain.
  • Stomach that’s a bit annoyed at me for giving in to the hormonally-induced demand for a cheeseburger?  Sure, why not.

But are these reasons, or excuses?  I can’t tell.  I can’t tell if I want to be going more than one day a week, or if I think I should and this is years and years of preemptive guilty behavior.  Do I think I’m wasting my time?  Do I just need encouragement?

When I have good days I can trust my gut, because in hindsight it’s so rarely wrong and my confidence is sky-high.  But when I have meh days, off days, days when people who used to love me drag me through the mud for their own fun and amusement, my ability to trust my self evaporates and my mind runs in these endless, unresolved circles.

Published in: on April 27, 2011 at 20:40  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. make yourself go once a week, more than that, go if you feel like it. Not going at least once will mean you drop out of the habit and will be pissed when you realise you basically quit.

  2. Once a week is easy peasy, I never have these issues about Monday night classes. It’s just Wednesday or any other day. I’ll get there, I just need to think and challenge and hash it out. 🙂

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